Susan Smiles

The Journey

By Melanie McDougall
My insides expanding

ready to blow up

Wanting to run

Needing to throw up

They filled me with chemicals

They gave me pills

But it was inside

that was making me ill

I said "I'm no hope

leave me to die"

I thought I was too far gone for help

I couldn't even cry

I know how it feels

to be engulfed in pain

I couldn't function

nothing was the same

When the fireball inside escaped it was hell

I won't lie

It hurt so much,

but I didn't want to die

It was very tough

a hard road to go

But now I can stand up

look them in the eye, and say "no"

I pet my dog

and think of where I've come from

she looks into my eyes,

she's saying "I love you, mum"

I look back and am thankful

for the people that were there

through all the hurt and shit

now I can feel their care

I see sunshine and green grass now

I see hope

I feel healthy and triumphant

not tied by a rope

I feel strong

I feel free

I am no longer trapped by what was inside

It's OK to be me.