Shamika's Story

I was about 8 or 9 when my cousin who was around 18 or 19 when he raped, then molested me. I remember sitting home alone in my small town and my cousin came over. He asked me if I wanted to learn how to play a card game and I agreed. We sat and he began to teach me how to play the game. After about 2 games he pulled out his penis and asked me if I'd ever seen one before and I replied no. He asked me to touch it and I said no, but he put my hand on it and told me to rub up and down then he began to touch me. Well to make a long story short the touching turned into him putting his penis inside me and blood being everywhere. After he got up I yelled I was calling my aunt, I dialed her number and she picked up and he hung up. I told him that I would tell because what he did hurt me and he told me the most dreadful manipulating words that've stucked with me and what I believe ruined my life, "noone will believe you and if you tell you'll get us both in trouble so it's best that you don't say anything." After that I was convienced that no one liked me and ever would. So I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and cried. He told me to find a sanitary napkin so the blood wouldn't be in my underwear and when I begin to put it on my panties I placed it with the sticky side up and he laughed at me. That was one of the most humiliating and taunting laughs i've ever heard. And to this day when I hear people laugh and I'm not a part of their circle I think they're laughing at me and I immediately become insecure. The molestation by him continued until I was 15 years old. My body didn't develop until I the molestation ended. There were other cousins who thought it was okay to touch me sexually and once my mothers boyfriend. I told my immediate family about two years ago when I realized why I was depressed. I'm 25 now and I have a 6 year old daughter who I cherish and explain to her that WE DON'T KEEP SECRETS (FOR HER AGE) AND IF SOMEONE TOUCHES YOU IN YOUR PRIVATE AREA IT'S NOT OKAY AND I'LL BELIEVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!! I TELL HER IT'S OKAY TO TALK TO ME THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR!. SO IF THERE ARE ANY PARENTS OUT THERE WHO'VE BEEN RAPED OR MOLESTED MAKE SURE YOU KEEP AN OPEN MIND, HEART, AND EAR WHEN IT COMES TO LISTENING TO YOUR CHILDREN, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY MAY HAVE TO TELL/ASK YOU? GOD BLESS! REMEMBER THERE'S ALWAYS A BEAUTIFULLY COLORED RAINBOW AFTER EVERY STORM!!!