Sethor's Story

From as early as I can remember, I've known words can hurt. I've spent most of my life being told how unpopular I am, how fat I am, how stupid I am, and what a failure and dissapointment I am. I was told these things by my parents. I've always been smart, but my mind wanders a lot. This used to get
me in trouble at school and at home. At home, besides the yelling, until age 10, I'd be spanked with a leather belt too. Sometimes it was only 5 or 10 swats, and sometimes they lasted until I would pass out. Afterwards, I would be locked in my room, and not let out until my parents decided I should be.
After age 10, even when I got my grades together and did really well in school, I would still be ridiculed and told how stupid I was. In my high school grduating class of 250 people, I was #20 as far as highest grades went. Even though I was thought of as a nerd and studied a lot and was in National Honor Society, I was still told I was lazy and stupid and fat and not trying hard enough. My parents, especially my mom, would also take any chance they could to encourage me to eat less and to diet more and to not be so disgustingly fat. I've never been thin I admit, but my parents never seemed to care their words would make me cry. For a lot of my time in high school and college, I was liable to break down and start crying for no reason, and to have panic attacks. I still have the panic attacks now. The
only time I confronted my parents about sometimes crying for no reason, I was told it was just because of "chemical imabalances" and that I'd just get over it if I was more grown up. I was also never popular enough for their liking. They couldn't show me off if I didn't have a lot of friends too. So they told
me and reminded me and pointed out to me how lonely I was, and how much better everyone would like me if I was more outgoing, and thinner too, of course. Nothing I have ever done was ever good enough to make my parents happy, and I have a lot of trouble with trusting other people and it's almost
impossible for me to see anything good about anything in my life. I have a wonderful mate, a great job that I like, friends, all of those things, and I still always feel like I'm not doing enough, like I'm not trying hard enough, and no matter what, I always know I'll be too fat for anyone to ever really like how I look.

- Sethor