Ross's Story

My name is Ross and I am a sexual abuse survivor. My older sister abused me and my sister. I did not remember much of that but my sister swears by it and my real father who I met later confirmed it. The abuse did not stop there. My half brother raped me when I was four or five years old and my other half brother raped my sister. They were able to do this because my Grandparents left them alone with us. (My Mom and Dad had split up and sent my sister and I to our Grandparents who lived in the islands.) When my grandparents found out what happened they beat all of us. It was not fair because we didn’t do anything. My mother finally brought all of her children back to the US to live with her and my Step Dad. The abuse did not stop for me and my sister because our brothers kept sexually abusing us. My brother would bribe me with money and tell me not to tell or he would get in big trouble. As I got older I fought him off, but when I fell asleep I would wake up with him in my bed trying to do things to me. I felt so dirty and disgusting. I did not feel human. < /SPAN>I eventually told my Mom and she said it never happened. I am older now and I feel I have put this behind me the best I can. Today my brothers and sisters are really screwed up by alcohol, drugs, debt, bad marriages and are not taking care of their kids. I have faired much better, but I still feel like a part of me never fully came alive because of my history. I do not plan to let it control me. I have been through therapy, read and meditate every day and am always searching to be a better person. I am going to use my past to propel me forward to be not only normal but the best human being I can. I want good to come out of my life story and only I can do that. My advice to any one abused is that it is not your fault. Acknowledge what happened and forgive yourself, your abuser, and anyone else that needs to be forgiven because that is the only way to get on with your life. I believe that others need our help and we cannot do that immobilized by our pasts.