Susan Smiles

Poetry 2

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Pictures on the Wall
Shattered Pieces
Soul Hero
Mind Beach-Inner Peace
Pretty Baby
Through Pete's Eyes
Shallow One
Childhoodless
Summer's Winter
Inside Mother Outside Child
Dancin' Dove
Memories

PICTURES ON THE WALL

Welcome to my home
Won't you please come in?
This place expresses part of me
Of everything I've been

Please, have a look around
See the pictures on the wall?
Each one tells a story
In fact, they tell it all

They all tell a story
Of a young man as he grew
All the experiences
That he ever knew

In this one he was very young
A child of one or two
The sad look started early
I'll explain it all to you

You see he learned of sadness
When he lost his twin
It left an empty feeling
Way down deep within

This one shows a child of four
All dazed and confused
Already he had learned
How it felt to be abused

An ironing cord, a piece of wood
It really didn't matter
This small child's life
Had already shattered

Oh, and look, here's another
A child of six or seven
Already wanting God to take him
So he could go to heaven

Too much pain, not enough love
With no hope here below
He had to look to God
Where else could he go?

Yes, this one is the saddest
Picture of them all
A child of ten molested
His father had his gall

Here he is at seventeen
With a look of shame
He thought for all that happened
It was him that was to blame

This pain was carried far too long
He felt he was no good
The anger, hate, tears and lies
Followed him into manhood

Then while he wasn't looking
Jesus came along
He heard Him in a church one day
Contained within a song

"Jesus loves me, this I know"
Were words that touched his heart
That was the beginning
Of his brand new start

Now Jesus does the healing
Of all the aches and pains
He sees the truth quite clearly
That he is not insane

I'm sorry for the sadness
Contained within this poem
It's just part of my release
As I make my brand new home

Parents love your children
That's all you need to do
So they won't show you pictures
That come back to haunt you!
Michael Connors

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SHATTERED PIECES

If my soul were made of glass
I'm sure that you would see
It's cracked in many places
And it's hard to tell it's me

The cracks started long ago
I can't remember how
Perhaps it was my childhood
I really don't know now

I can't remember younger years
No matter how I try
But it must have started there
When I began to live a lie

Drinking parents do confuse
Mixed messages all around
What's a child suppose to do
When hatred does abound

They love us when we all behave
That's all fine and good
But when you start to be yourself
They make their rules understood

Do as I say; not what I do
It's a crazy mixed up place
Especially when you're growing up
And it's always in your face

Do I try to please
Or should I run and hide?
It really doesn't matter
When no one's on your side

Too busy parents never listen
What's a child to do?
They don't know who they really are
Am I me.....or Am I you?

Yes, I'm sure that's where it started
So very long ago
It only goes to show you
A child reaps; what his parents sow

Thank God, He gathered all my pieces
And brought His tube of glue
He's putting me back together now
With a promise I'll be brand new
Michael Connors

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Soul Hero

As I step away-
I see a little soul
Afraid of people's ways.
She didn't utter a word
About her abusive world.
Instead she endured anger
From a family of strangers.
She was only four
When she was raped on a cold floor.
She shielded her tears
To calm her sister's fears.
She reached for that baby hold
Only to be punished for being bold
As my aged petite body became joined
With this strong survivor's soul-
I realized that I'm a hero.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1996 Whitney Lyons

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Mind Beach-Inner Peace

I walk barefoot along
The sandy road
Looking at the water Dance-
It tells me that I have strength
To smile through every circumstance.
The wind gently caressing my fair skin
Makes me glad that I am who I am.
As the waves chase my barefeet-
I laugh and prance just like a playful child
That's free from the memories of abuse awhile.
As I watch the seagulls soar
I'm reminded that I'm allowed to say, "No More".
I look behind me to see another set of footprints-
Carrying a tall body with eyes that tell me that
He too has walked the same road.
I reach for his hand
Like we've been friends since our lives began.
Together we walk our mind's beach
To gather our inner peace.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1996 Whitney Lyons

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Through Pete's Eyes

Why cannot I fly
If you think I can?
You want me to spread my wings
To reveal my whole being.
To sing my song
Of a soul so strong.
Yet, when I look into your eyes
I see a mirror
Of the same loving survivor.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1996 Whitney Lyons

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PrettyBaby

Pretty baby squatting down
With her white diaper almost touching the ground
Smelling the flowers all around.
Pretty baby smiles at a big eyed lady-
She runs giggling with outstretched arms-
To the one that keeps her from harm.
A man joins the big eyed lady
And smiles at the pretty baby
As she wins his heart with her innocent charm.
They walk through a trail of trees-
Pretty baby feels safe as can be
Until they head back.
She quickly cries with rage
As she sees the foster parents which are deranged
Which caused her soul to become wiser than her age.
Pretty baby rests on a safe shoulder
While carried by a man she views as her real father
He assures her that the foster people
won't ever be a bother.
Once again, this pretty baby
Toddles through the flowers happily
And every so often looks to see
the smile of her mother.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1997 Whitney Lyons

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ShallowOne

The words "I want you"
Usually meant that I had
To perform womanly duties.
As my body became his biggest please-
My child-like Spirit went overseas.
I became so numb
That when I wanted to feel
I fantasized about what was no longer real.
Today, I strive to be a healthy woman
By keeping my Spirit and body as one
Especially while making love
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1997 Whitney Lyons

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Childhoodless

Everyone was treated the same
Except for their names.
The same amount of money
So we could live with
A pretend happy family.
I suddenly became the adult
After receiving his paid sexual assaults.
When his secret was told
I went to a different home where
Everyone was treated the same
Except for their names.
The same amount of money
With paid care.
I was young among the old
Waiting for my life to unfold
With yearning for a love that
I didn't have to share.
Gradually, I gained partial freedom
Where everyone is treated the same
Except for their names.
Different amounts of money
And I'm still the young among the old
Wanting to feel that baby hold.
I wish someone had enough tenderness
Not to let me die childhoodless.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1995 Whitney Lyons

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Summer'sWinter

Behind his summery eyes
Lies a bitter winter
Formed by fall winds.
He melts his ice
By searching for buds
That are turning into flowers.
Once frozen by his bitter drops
The buds become wilted
Until touched by loving sun.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1995 Whitney Lyons

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InsideMother Outside Child

She is petite and strong-
Everyone says that she's
A beautiful song.
They fail to look within
At a heart that's badly skinned,
There, there is a sad child
Who hungers to be held awhile.
Deep with in her soul is a
Loving Mother who struggles to bring
The babe's horror to an end.
Deep within, this child is bold-
Where her heart can unfold.
The inside mother is a guide-
To bring the hidden hungry child outside.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1995 Whitney Lyons

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Dancin'Dove

His dove is two years older
But she calls him big brother
Because he's a kindred survivor.
He mends her wings
By guiding her out of wounded nights
With his healing light.
As she rest on his forearm
She graciously spreads her delicate wings
And together they dance in the air
Teaching other survivors the flight
Of a wonderful loving life.
Whitney Lyons
Copyright 1998 Whitney Lyons

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Memories

so dark and gray
of childhood joy
and childhood pain
Dark forces flowing through
sweeping you up
Carrying you away
A hurtful word
A blinding Pain

The Darkman cometh
Thru the door
reaching out to me
Whispering words said to me of love
Causing nothing but pain
Touching, probing,
demanding submittion

Heart beating fast
Blood running cold
fear fills my soul
If the Darkman leaves
Totally unapeased
What will he do
What will he say
To those people
only a few doors away
Angry words, fearful crys
laying here wishing to die

Sleep comes
Nightmares arise
Of standing in the pits of Hell
Satan demands a sacrifice
To save the family
One must submit
Walk across the pit
flames leaping up and surrounding
a small foot bridge
that i must cross
to save the mother
to save the brother
to sacrifice myself
for them

Morning comes and i awake
still in Hell
sacrificing myself
to try and save them
from the pain
the Darkman causeth

To church I go to
kneel and pray
To a God that
Doesn't seem to hear
Crys of fear
Crys of pain
Of a child in
a living Hell

So I rise and walk away
turning head and heart
from church and god
trying to find another way
Mother has left the Darkman
But he still lingers near
Until death finally claimes him
To little, To late

I wish God would have heard
I wish God would have acted
Before so much fear
Before so much pain
Before so much anger
Had filled this small soul
Carrying it away

Until one came along
full of love
full of understanding
Bringing hope
Bringing joy

To overcome the fear
To overcome the pain
To overcome the anger
Returning a soul
Long thought lost
Now filled with love
For the man
Who opened my eyes
Who opened my heart
Thank you
Husband of mine
Honeychild
2-12-98

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