Patricia's Story

Dear Susan,
I dont know how to explaned this and I know this is hard for me. I still writeing my story about my life how I grew up been sex abused and abused in home in long times.
Right now I am 46 year old and live with a friend name Lisa and her husband Al three children in house. I use be married 27 years of abused husband. I been abused by stepfather and mother also fews man who hurt me. This is one is worse kind in my life many years and the murder and sex, beating in homes. I have two growing children and three grandson. Today I thought maybe you would like to hear about me. I was in broken home and my father left me and I not see him since until I got older find him throuth unsloved mystery show. So I try to finished my story and future anyday to pushilers my book. When I first been abused was 15 month old, I never forget this. I was live in Columbus,Ohio and I was alone in crib and hungry.
I saw my mother purse was on the dressers and I fight myself out of the crib then I reach to get the purse and I got up on the dresser and I fight open my mother black purse it open then i took a red lipstick and draw on my face and I look at the mirror laughing and the frist time of my life is laughing. I cry and laughing. My mother hear my laughing and she came in found me on top of dressers then she laugh too. Stepfather came in saw me this way and he got mad took his belt off his pants and then he took my legs upside down and beating me with his black belt. he beat me again and again all over me and my back it was pain ful screaming top of my lung. No use. Stepfather throw me agaisnt the crib and my head was hit hard. Blood came out of my forhead. they didnt seem dont cares. In my screcet life in the darkness home that no body knew about me. I was rape by him many time and so is my mother it is hard life I had. I cant sleep in the night woke up with panic attack. I ! been going docter lots of times nothing has help. I have more flashback and dream I write it down. but i somethime dont get bad dream but sometime I do. Now I am haveing it everyday like when i go sleep wait one hour I get up fast scare death and I cannot see no dream just darkness and just dark. something is bother me. you have any idea what it was? I haveing problems and I cry before I go bed and afaird what might happen to me. Well just let you know that. my name is Patricia English