Parrat's Story

I'm not real sure how to begin, telling the actual details I'm not sure is the answer. I was molested by a friend of my Mom's when I was 7. I think what I need to talk about is the fact that I couldn't go to the bathroom for several days. It hurt my Mother deeply because she didn't know till she found me in the bathroom crying because I couldn't use the bathroom. The book that I was reading when he molested me still haunts me to this day. I was so proud that I was the top reader in my class, and he was willing to listen to me read. When my children would bring home Curios George books I get sick on my stomach.
I am the iligitiment child of a married man. He never wanted me, helped me nor loved me. When he was around he just wanted me to be quiet and leave him alone. I watched my poor Mom suffer at his hands and carry guilt till the day she died because of it all. My dad was also physically abusive to me and my Mom. I carried many bruises, black eyes and busted lips because of him. I suffered abuse from school teachers, friends parents, and the community because I was a bastard child. We live in a small town, (one red light) in the deep south. In 1963 when I was born people gave away inligitiment children, my Mom didn't!
Then I proceeded to be in relationships that were very abusive! (mental and physical). I'm not even sure why I'm telling my story. I have suffered alot, and there seems to be no relief for the hurt. I am able to put it aside alot, but when I least expect it, the hurt finds it's way back to the forfront of my life. I guess there will never be a true relief for all that I have suffered in my life time. But I pray for children that are tortured and suffer daily. God bless all of you who have survived any form of abandonment, abuse or neglect. You are not alone, and when no one else loves you I know God does! Thank you for hearing me!