Susan Smiles

PenPals

hello everyone,
My name is Miriam and I am 42 years old. I was abused when I was a baby. My mother abonded me when I was 2 days old, a policeman has found me. He couldn't find my mother, so I was taken to the children's home in Kaloon.
The matron has physically and mentally abused me. I didn't have a bed to sleep on, nor did I have the toy to play with. I got used to being in the dark, so I didn't know any day light. Didn't meet anybody from outside.
I didn't have any fresh food or water, so I ended up eating stale food. Didn't play with other children, wasn't allowed. Maybe because of my disabilties. I had polio when I was 9 months old, so it was very hard for me.
At the age of 7, I was adopted by two couple from England. I didn't know what was happening to me, as I never been on the plane before.
When arrived in England, the couple met me and I constantly cried and cried, because I didn't know what was going on.
My mother and father took me to Royal Free Hospital in London, to be checked. I just screamed and screamed. They had to bring a chinese woman to communicate with me, but I didn't understand what they were saying.
The consultant was very shocked what they saw, where I had the operations on both legs, my scars was very sore and red, he couldn't believed how much cut and bruises I had on my body, my parent was really shocked as well.
I went to my mums school, I had a lots of problems because I couldn't communicate with anybody at school. I used to tear the books up and smashing everything up in school, because I was fustrated, didn't speak any English, so it was very hard for me.
The only person who could speak my language was my father, because he has been going to evening class, learning to speak chinese.
Cutting the story short, I am happily married to Roger and we both got lovely two children. Laura who is 14 and Matthew who is 10.
It has taken me 30 years to accept what has happened to me. I always thought it was my fault and kept blaming myself. If I get down, I used to go in the toilet and locked the door, I literally scratch my arms till it bleed.
I was crying for help, since I had my son, I was so down, couldn't playe with him, couldn't love anyone because I wasn't shown love.
Even my husband cuddle me, I just shiver because I felt so trap, now that I've been counselling, everything has changed. I know you will get there, it is worth it.
If anyone want to write to me, your very welcome. It is supporting each other and understanding what its like being abuse. Talking to people, who doesn't understand about abuse, its very well for them to forget it, but you are scared for life. You try to live a normal life, what is normal?
I have two children and I am so scared for them, especially for my daughter, because being a girl, I worry sick, some of you must feel the same as I am.
If you want to write to me, my email address is: lamkiufan@hotmail.com
Thank you for listening to me, thought you might like to hear my story. All the best to you all. Be strong, nobody can hurt you now. Show people how strong we are because I know we all get through it. All the best to you all.

Miriam