Maxime's Story

hi where do i start, i was abused by my stepfather for 10 years my mother knew but told me i would never take her husband away from her.i lived daily with abuse threats that if iwas to tell i would die and nobody would believe me. finally ileft home at 15 and ihad the courage to go to the police purely through fear that the same would happen to my younger sisiter. he was lucky he got 8 years in prison i got the life sentence of no self worth,shame and the inability to show my emotions.
for 18 years i,ve managed to bury my sorrowful past only dwelling on it in times when you need amother [1 was disowned by my family, how could i ruin there image of the perfect family], know its come to haunt me big time,i feeldepressed i suffer panic attacks but my biggest fear of all is that any ailment i get is going tokill me, a headache i turn into a tumour ,stomach aches a cancer etc do other people have these fears.help me
am i going mad iwant to be a survivor not a victim anymore i want to enjoy my children not feel to down to be bothered.
this week ive started to see a cousellor but ifeel to disgusted to be able to tell her the horrendous things that happened to me i hope that there is someone out there who can help me and understand the thoughts and fears ihave and ican do the same for them.