Maura's Story

Hi Susan,
I just found your web site today. How brave you are to speak out so openly. I too have been abused for many years by my father. Only today I learned that my mother and oldest brother knew of the abuse. I am completely devastated as part of the reason I allowed the abuse was to protect my mother. I have been in therapy for about 2 years and for a while was beginning to feel there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Now I don't think so. Yet your web site shows so many other women who refuse to give up. Why do I find it so hard to want to go on? It feels like I have been betrayed by most of my family - the family I loved and thought loved me. I 'allowed' my father rape me over five years repeatedly as he threatened to rape my mother if I didn't let him. She was very vulnerable so I felt I had to protect her. But I have spent my life paying the price. AND SHE KNEW. God I feel so betrayed. As I write this I have a stash of pills beside me - I don't want to go on. The only friend I have is my therapist but she won't always be there. But Susan I admire you so much. Keep on doing such good work. There are so many of us out there.
Maura