Marita's Story

hi my name is marita and i am now 43 yrs old. i was sexually abused by my grandpa at the tender age of 4 yrs old. i never told anyone for over 22 yrs. i was too scared to. i am now wit a nice guy and have 2 kids who are wonderful. me and my daughter are very close. i still need help for i cannot talk much about the abuse for it pains me so much. you see he did oral sex on me in my crib. he would come to my room at night and you could smell the alcohol and it was so horrible. i cried and cried. then i was sexually abused by my uncle when i was 10 yrs old. oh how i wish my life was not so hurt like that. i sometimes am scared to have sex for it ruined my life and the man i am with is very patient with me but i know i hurt him for he knows what has happened to me for i told him. but sometimes i don't think he understands. i wish so hard i had someone to talk to. someone i could just spill my problems out to and would talk to me. you see no one will let me get it out so i can cry and maybe learn to let go. sometimes i hear a voice at night crying for mom and it goes on alot. its a little girl's voice and it comes from the closet when i am alone. alot of ppl think it is me when i was little. but my mom passed away when i was 4 yrs old. thank you for letting me send this story in. i would like to get a pen pal if i may thank you for listening.
love marita