Kailee's Story

DEAR SUSAN,
I'M A SUVIOR OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND SO IS MY BABY SISTER GINNY.
EVER SINCE I COULD REMEMBER I WOULD WAKE UP AT NIGHT SEEING MY FATHER SEXUALY ABUSING MY 2 YR OL SISTER. IT HAS LEFT SCARS ON ME FOR LIFE I DONT EVER REMEMBER MY FATHER ABUSING ME. BUT SOMEHOW I FEEL HE DID I JSUT WAS MAYBE SO SMALL I DO NOT REMEMBER IT. IS THIS POSSIBLE?
I HAVE NEVER MARRIED BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF HAVIN SEX. AND I STAY AWAY FROM MEN I DO NOT LIKE BEIN LEFT ALONE IN THE CAR WITH A MAN . I START TO FEEL MYSELF PANIC.
MY FATHER DIED A YR AGO AND I FORGAVE HIM I NEVER HAD A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FATHER UNTIL 3 YRS AGO. THEN WE GOT TO KNOW ONEANOTHER ALL OVER.
I WAS BY HIS BESIDE HOLDING HIS HAND WHEN HE SLIPPED AWAY I DO NOT THINK MY LIL SISTER REALLY MADE PEACE WITH MY FATHER.
SHE DRINKS ALOT AND DOES DOPE SHE WONT CONFIDE IN ANYONE OR SEE A COUNSELOR.
THE ONE SEXUAL ABUSE I DID REMEBER WAS WHEN I WAS 22 AND IT WAS A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY I WAS SO SCARED I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. HE RIPPED MY CLOTHES OFF OF ME AND PUT HIS FINGERS UP IN MY VAGINA. WAS THIS A RAPE? I WENT TO TELL THE PERSONAL IN THE BOARDING HOME FOR DISABLED PERSONS AND THEY JUST TOLD ME HE WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS BECAUSE HE WAS A CHRISTIAN.________###!!!! I EVEN WENT TO MY PASTORS WIFE BUT SHE DID NOT HELP ME EITHER. WHAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHERE ARE THE VICTIMS RIGHTS THEY PROTECT THE PERVERTS BUT NOT THE VICTIMS AND THE VICTIMS SUFFER FOR MAYBE THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
THE ONLY WAY I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS SOMEHOW SEXUALLY ABUSED WAS WHEN I HAD AN OPERATION THEY FOUND OUT THAT MY UTERUS WAS DAMAGED EITHER BY BIRTH OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND THEY HAD TO REMOVE MY CERVIX AND UTERUS.
IS THIS POSSIBLE? I WAS ALSO ABUSED SEVERALLY BY MY MOTHER WHO IS MENTALLY ILL
I HAD MY HEAD BEATEN INTO CEMENT WALLS,CHOKED AND HAD SHAKIN BABY SYNDROME.
WHICH NOW IN MY ADULT YRS HAS LEFT ME WITH CP AND MYOCLONUS AND SEZIURES BUT THIS DID NOT SHOW UP UNTIL THE EARY 90'S. I HAVE FLASH BACKS OF MY MOTHER BEATING ME. I DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE. ALL NINE OF US KIDS HAD TO LIE ALL OUR GROWN UP YRS JUST TO STAY ALIVE. AND NOW LIKE MY SELF I FIND IT HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH.
ITS HARD FOR ME TO EXCEPT MYSELF AND MAKE FRIENDS. I FIND MYSELF GETTINALONG BETTER WITH ANIMALS THAN PEOPLE I'D RATHER BE AROUND ANIMALS I HAVE A SERVICE DOG KAILEE WHOM I CALL MY LIL ANGEL SENT FROM HEAVEN AND TWO GERBILS.
SORRY THAT THIS IS SO LONG. JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
THANK YOU M.J SIZEMORE & KAILEE