Julia's Story

Hi I am Julia and a mother of 3 well now 2 . I just found your site and I read "Barren Thoughts" by Kim. The story I have to tell is alot like her's except it was my daughter who was abused by her brother. The ages are very close she was 71/2 and he was 11. He had repeatedly sexually abused her for over a year and she never told . One Sunday evening at 6:47p.m. on May 12th,2000 I had went upstairs to check on them it had gotten really quite , and there he was on top of her with his hand over her mouth and choking her . My daughter is now 10 and he will be 13 in a couple of months. We had found out this had been going on for over a year and she told no-one because after the first time he held a knife to her throat and told her he would kill her if she told. Now we tried really hard to get him help because he obviously had a BIG problem and we got no where . So after awhile it just came down to choosing between my children. And that's what I did. He felt that he done no wrong and even bragged on doing it again. So on September 5th,2001 I gave up my rights to the one who took my wonderful little girl away from me .On Valentines Day just 2 days ago she cut all of her hair off, she had beautiful long strawberry/blonde hair. I asked her why and she said she didn't know . We where in therapy until September 2001 and the therapist decided she was ok and "don't fix what's not broken" call or return if something comes up. We have NO support groups in our city for girls her age or any age, except adults. Anyway Kim's poem just touched me alot when I read it and I am so sorry her parents done that to her. Because one of the hardest things for me to do was give up to the state my son because he needed help , but what is even harder for me to do is wake up every day and know my wonderful beautiful little girl has this pain I can't take away and I can't erase it from her memory. I pray to God every day to ease her mind and help her to be happy. She doesn't like to talk about it and I don't force her but I do let her know I am here for her. She has very low self-esteem problems she doesn't trust any one. She has a 14yr.old brother who is her protector and he stuck up for her many times when the other one was still around, and she now and has for awhile acted afraid of him.I have asked her why and she simply said he is a boy.She has nightmares, but they have seemed to calm down some.I printed Kim's poem and I'm going to give it to her , so she can read it ,I don't know if she will understand it all ,but I know she will understand part of it. I'm sorry this is so long ,by the way my daughters name is Lisha. And I hope her and I will be able to come to your site together so she won't feel all alone and I can better understand how she may be feeling .I'm just afraid I don't want to make her feel anymore uncomfortable than she already does. If you have any ideas please e-mail me and I would gladly except any information that will help my little girl.

Thank you
Julia ...Lisha's mom
P.S. I'm sorry this was so scattered around it was avery long story and I just gave you the quick version.