I AM NOT TO BLAME

I AM NOT TO BLAME
Lies upon lies, nothing makes sense
My whole life has been a pretence
What Ive been taught has all been wrong
Theres no place where I feel I belong
Cant let anyone in, must keep up my guard
I feel so alone why must life be so hard?
since I was a child,I have lived in fear
I don't understand why I was put here
My whole life has been suffering and pain
Why did they do it? What did they gain?
All I wanted was for someone to care
To love me and hold me and just be there
Wipe away my tears, and hear someone say
From all this misery let me take you away
It's too late now, that was just my hope
Now 20 years on I'm trying to cope
I wish I had never broken my silence
telling of sexual abuse and the violence
I have to live now with all the shame
But I will no longer take the blame
It isn't me whos done anything wrong
I have taken the blame for much too long
Now my parents must face what they have done
They ruined their child, so innocent and young
For all these years, I've wondered why me?
I thought I was evil, but now I can see
They were the evil ones, I was not bad
I'll give my son the love I never had
Joanna