Heather's Story

I found your website while looking for an article about a mom helping someone rape her 8 year old daughter. I found that very upsetting. I am still recovering from my childhood. I dont know what age it started or how long, or what all happened, my childhood has many holes. I never seemed to fit in, and I didnt feel the need to try. I didnt know what was wrong with me, only that I was different somehow, I was a small girl, and am a small woman. I'm 20 years old and only 4'10. I remember one time, my uncle had me sleep in the same bedroom as him alone, his daughters wanted to sleep in there too, but he sent them away to sleep. I dont know why that bothered me, but I remember sitting in front of the tv playing the super nintendo wondering why my cousins werent allowed to play too. All evening I'd see him looking at me, he seemed anxious for me to come to bed. Finally I gave in and came to lay with him, I had asked if I could sleep with my cousins but he had said no. I was ! always his "favorite" going out to their house every chance I could to spend the night and play with my younger cousins. It didnt take long before I fell asleep.. I woke up to him pulling my pants off, and then my underwear, I started kicking and screaming at him to stop, my pillow already stained in tears. Somehow I knew what was happening, I didnt know how I knew, but I did. He proceded to lick me, I being helpless to stop it. I must have been between 4 and 6. I screamed for what seemed like hours, for help, after he was done with that he decided to lay down again, and have me hold his erection, everytime I'd roll over, he'd pull me back in place. Finally the phone rang and I was free, he rushed to put my clothes on, things were inside out and backwards I quietly asked if I could sleep with my cousins now, and he agree'd, I ran in and slept at the bottom of their bed crying myself to sleep. I have nightmares about it, and even though I cant remember, I'd swear other things have ! happened. My step dad tried to rape me when I was 13. On New years day, my mom had to work, it was cold there was only 2 heaters in our house, one in my parents room and one in the living room. my brothers and I were sitting in front of the one in the living room when we were told to clean our room. I had been caring for my little sister since she was born, and she was cold too, so I stayed and held her for a little longer, my step father picked me up really fast and said if I wanted to be warmer, then go into his room, and he threw me in there. He'd put a porn flick on the tv, I had never seen any before, and his grown penis had been the only one I'd seen since childhood. He'd watch me while I was in the shower, make me shower with him, and touch me when my mom wasnt home, she never believed me. he locked my brothers in our room and my sister out of his room. he came in and pushed me onto the bed, and started to undress me. he told me I had the chance to do it myself or he would, an! d I wouldnt like it. so I got up and ran for the door, I got it open just as he got there and held me up by my neck behind the door. threatning me. my sister ran in crying holding her arms out to me. I went to pick her up and he grabbed her from me saying if I said anything that I would never see her or my family again. I ran from that house and only went back 1 time while he wasnt home for some of my things. though my story may not come close to what some of you have been through, this has been really hard for me. I was a sheltered child, always quiet, and well mannered, never really had many friends, couldnt keep a boyfriend to save my life. I have been married 1 time, and am divorcing him, we didnt have much of a sex life, and I know it bothered him a little. now I'm with my fiance and I'm 2 months pregnant. I still have nightmares, and I still get uneasy around older guys. I never told the cops about this, but I'm worried about my sister. My fiance doesnt seem to understand! my pain when it comes to this. and he is unwilling to help me. Wishing for Normalcy, Heather