Donna's Story

My name is Donna Jones and I am 41 yrs old and I don't know if my nightmare meets your story line of survivor or not no let me say that it doesn't because I haven't yet dealt with it I don't think.I was about the age of 8 when my mother's brother started messing with in little ways like just kissing me and telling me how much that he loved me and that I was his special little Angel.At that time he had no children of his own I don't think I can't remember.But by the time I was 13 yrs.old my mother and dad has been long divorced and my mother was a drunk leaving us 5 kids with just whom ever would keep us me being the oldest of the 5 I took on the role as mother and tryed to always protect my youger siblings.We were staying with this same brother of her's and he ask me to ride to the store with him and of course I said yes to get some candy and ice cream for us all at this time he was married and had step-children.We went to the store and got the things that we had went there to get and strated back home and he drove past the road to the house and my heart stopped I ask him in panic where were going and he said that he had to go see a man and talk to him about work so I sighed in releave and then we turned down this road that was dark and scary.I was so afraid again asking where we were going and he said just wait and see.I remember going across a creek with water in it and then way back into the woods it was so dark and by then I was crying and he told me to sut up.He back the truck up in a bunch of trees and got out of the truck and came around on the other side and opened up my door.He had a knife and told me to take off my cloths and lie down in the seat and crying asking him why he slapped me in the face and called a bitch and he threw me down in the seat and started to raped me the whole time holding the knife.After he was done he told me to put back on my cloths and then he said if you tell anyone and i mean anyone about this I will do the same thing to Anna and Peggy which were my two younger sister's.So scared that he would I stopped crying and put my cloths on and we went back to his house.When I walked in I went stright to the bedroom and layed on the bed with the same cloths on that I had on and my sister Anna came in and I started to cry uncontrolably and she ask what was wrong and I said nothing but being so smart as she is she knew and the next morning when my mother got there we left and my sister Anna told her what had happened and I started once again to cry and she ask me and I told her said and we went to the police department and reported it and they arrested him.But then a few days later when I had to go to take a polygraph test he was there over in another room and my mother saw him and made the commite that he looked so bad and unhappy and she felt sorry for him well to make along story short I being a minor she had to file the charges and she decided to drop them and I went through hell never getting any kind of help I blocked it out until now that it has come home to me.I have a neice that has been sexual abused by my now ex-brother-in-law he was her uncle also.Now I find myself like going back through the whole ordeal and it is causing so many problems for me I can't seem to get on with my life I'm comsumed with getting even now.I have had bouts of wanting to kill myself and heavy depression and I am afraid that I am going to lose my husband cause he doesn't understand this at all.I can't afford to get help we don't have any ins.or do we make enough money to afford help so I am a dead-end road it seems.
Thanks for listening to me
Donna