Carolyn's Story

My name is Carolyn. I'm glad and sad that I found your website. It's so hard to see and know so many have suffered such an awful, horribly, deep rooted pain and yet there's comfort in it too.

I was 5 years old when my abuse started. My mother was an alcholic and had severe mental health issues. She was constantly in and out of hospitals and my father couldn't take care of us and work too. So, he asked his father to come and live with us. Logical choice. Unfortunately he wasn't the loving Grandfather I believed him to be.

I have an older brother and sister but I guess he really liked them young. I remember one of the first times he assaulted me, in the bathroom. He always told me that it was his way of showing me how "special" I was. God, as much as it hurt, I used to be thrilled that I was "special."

The abuse continued until I was 10 years old. Almost on a daily basis. It finally stopped when at the age of 10, my Grandfather died of cancer. I remember feeling so guilty because I knew it was wrong to be "happy" someone so close to me was dead. All I could think was he couldn't hurt me anymore.

I am now 37 years old and still am dealing with the ghosts of the past. I finally told my father what happened to me. For some reason that seemed key to the healing process. I was so shocked to his reaction. He was loving, supportative and so incredibly angry at his father. I have since found out that many of my cousins were also "special."

I am so proud of all of you for sharing your stories and I hope over time your pain will end and happiness will flow in your life.

God bless.Love,Carolyn