Brian's Story

I am not a survivor myself, it is my fiancée whom I have been friends with for five years. I just wanted to be able to talk to someone and maybe get some of my feelings off my own chest. It all started four days ago. We were having a night in at her place and we had about two drinks each. We started talking about a variety of things and one of them was Veteran's day. So then she began talking about her father and how much she loved him. After a few subject changes and a little time I decided to give her an early valentine's gift, a monogram wax sealer for our wedding invitations. She was very happy and then she wanted to sit up on the bed. This caused her to get a little dizzy and so I came over to her to see if she needed assistance. That is when all hell broke loose. I have never experienced anything like it before and I hope I never do again. She had gotten a sudden flash of remembering her childhood. She started screaming, flailing around and trying to hurt me and herself. I had no idea what was going on, but after a bit she calmed down and just sobbed saying, "you won't let him touch me again will you, it hurts so much." I nearly hit the floor. I asked her if she meant her father and she started screaming and thrashing around again. Somewhere in the next six hours of this episode I talked to some little girl trapped inside and another who would only say that she wanted him dead and herself to die. This scared me many times and I wanted to call for help, but she seemed TERRIFIED of someone else knowing. The worst part is that sometimes she thought I was him coming to get her and the fear in her eyes was unbearable. Finally at seven in the morning all of a sudden my girl came back to me. I absolutely saw the difference in her eyes and could hear it in her voice.
I convinced her to see a doctor and she is going this week and I am going to see someone to see how I can help her. I wanted to thank you because there was a section in your site, "Spa" and it mentioned a teddybear and keeping it close. She has a very old ragged teddy bear that she refuses to part with. She even feels better sometimes going to sleep holding it rather than me, which I really don't mind. I thought that the teddy bear was old and not necessary so I had tried to convince her to get rid of it. I REALIZE now just what it means!!! And I feel terrible for having ever tried to convince her to get rid of it. I appreciated being able to read all these stories and they are helping me to understand a little bit more about what she is going through. Take care and wish us luck healing the wounds.

Sincerely, Brian