Anonymous

AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER I WAS IN PRE SCHOOL THE TEACHERS HAD TAKEN ME AND THE CLASS TO A FIELD TRIP THERE WAS THIS ROCKET WE AS CHILDREN COULD CLIMB INTO SO I DID AND SO DID THIS FEMALE TEACHER WE WERE BOTH THERE AND THIS TEACHER STARTED TO KISS ME IN MY MOUTHE I WAS 4 YEARS OLD AT THE TIME AND I KNEW IT WAS WRONG SO I STARTED TO CRY AND SHE SLAPED ME SO HARD IT MADE ME NUMB AND WITH THAT I NEVER TOLD ANY ONE BUT AT NIGHT WHEN I WAS AT HOME WITH MY PARENTS I CRIED TO SLEEP HOPING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME IF SOMETHING HAD HAPPEND TO ME BUT NO MY DAD ONLY WOULD SAY GO TO SLEEP OR ILL HIT YOU AND I NEVER TOLD.
THEN WHEN I WAS 11 YEARS OLD MY MALE COUSIN HAD MOVED INTO THE HOUSE WITH US HE WAS 23 AND HE STARTED ABUSING ME SEXUALLY AND ITS UNEXPLEINABLE I WAS SO YOUNG AND DUMB I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY A GAME THAT BIG PEOPLE PLAY AND I PLAYED LIKE THAT WITH MY SISTERS AND COUSINS THINKING THAT I WAS GROWN UP BECAUSE SOME ONE HAD THOUGHT ME WHAT ADULTS DID.
THEN LATER IN TIME A BROTHER OF THAT SAME COUSIN CAME TO MOVE IN TOO AND ONE DAY HE SAW HOW HES BROTHER WOULD MOLEST ME AND HE STARTED DOING IT TOO THE ONE DAY HE TOLD ME IF I TOLD HE WAS GOING TO TELL MY PARENT THAT I SAID A BAD WORDS AND I WAS SO AFRAID OF MY FATHER SO I NEVER TOLD. AS I WAS GROWING UP I COULDNT HAVE A BOY FRIEND BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS UGLY
I THOUGHT I NO BOY LIKED ME ONLY GROWN MEN THIS ABUSE LASTED UNTIL I WAS 16 I JOINED A GANG FOR SUPPORT. WRONG DECISION I MADE THERE I GOT RAPED LIKE A MAN IN A PUBLIC PARK I VE NEVER TOLD UNTIL 3 YEARS AGO I GOT MARRIED BUT I GOT DIVOCED BECAUSE SOME HOW IT DINT WORK NOW I HURT BECAUSE ALL MY FAMILY THINKS IM A LESBIAN BUT IF ONLY THEY KNEW THAT IM AFRAID OF BEING ALONE WITH A MEN I CRY SO MUCH BECAUSE IM NOT NO
LESBIAN IM JUST AFRAID AND DONT THINK ILL EVER BE WITH NOONE OF MY SAME SEX I DONT THINK SO!!! I STARTED GOING TO A PHYCILOGIST AND HE GAVE PROSAC PAXIL AND SEROTHIN BUT AFTER A COUPLE OF WEEKS TAKING THIS PILLS I COULDNT SEE OR MOVE MY ARMS IM VERY DEPRESSED IM ALSO INTO THE WORD OF GOD AND I SAY TO MY SELF ONLY THE MOST POWERFULL MAN KNOWS WHY THING HAPPEN (PLEASE DONT USE MY NAME) ANY ONE WITH KIND WORDS TO ME PLEASE EMAIL ME