Anonymous

Your page has touched me so much. I actually found your web site days ago and have briefly looked at it several times but never really allowed myself to explore until today because from the beginning,from the title and the music I could feel triggers, painful yet beautiful that they are what I needed to be alone for them and give myself permission to feel them again. I cannot begin to express my gratitude for your work. I have been working on my survivor issues for 16 years now and most of the time I consider them taken care of (so to speak) except that they continually sneak into my life again. I feel very frustrated when they do, especially the low self-esteem. I am thirty-five years old and I work as a mental health counselor. I hate it when I feel three all over again and I'm supposed to be strong and confident. It's not so hard with my clients because I can put myself aside then but with my peers it's very hard. I am also married and my husband and I have been trying to have children for five years.We have been unable to find out why we are not getting pregnant but I
often find myself blaming myself even though my rational mind knows better. I just feel like I'm being punished; that I don't deserve to have a child, that my body has been spoiled. Thanks again. Some of what I just wrote I've never said to anyone else before, even myself. I find tears very healing. I am so busy and have so little time by myself that I find I don't get in touch with my inner child and what she is feeling much anymore. I feel very lonely when I allow us to become separated for too long. It is something I've had a hard time explaining to other people but she, and all of her pain is a very real part of me and I love her.She ,I, had so much courage and didn't know it. I had a doll when I was young that originally stood about as tall as I did. I had found her in a garbage can and named her Sally. I used to tell her everything I felt and punish her for the anger I had inside. She was my best friend. I gave her away when I was a little older and wanted to
literally become a saint.I knew that to become a saint I would need to make a great sacrifice so I gave away my best friend.I have missed her ever since.Thank-you.:)